where'd all of the money go?

I've always been really great at spending money. Especially on frivolous things.
I mean really, you should see my collection of nail polish, or my tubs of clothing that I never wear but don't want to get rid of.


It's pretty easy to spend money when you get money from your parents on top of your normal income. I've been fortunate growing up. It's okay to be spoiled as long as you're nice, right mom? That was our motto.

When the time came for Corde and I to get married, I wasn't worried. For some reason in my mind I figured being married would be easy in regards to expenses because there'd be two incomes to live off of.

Boy, was I wrong.

Corde and I are currently making just about as much as our expenses. That has been stressful, but also very eye-opening. Okay, I'm freaking out a little bit on the inside.

I do know that everything will work out though.

I'm learning a lot through this experience. I've learned to be more creative with meals by making things that are healthy, but also cheap. I guess you can say we eat a lot of rice these days. (The healthy kind) Don't worry, we get our share of veggies with frozen peas and corn.

We also eat a lot of eggs and regularly have pancakes for dinner.

Somehow we are making it work.

I'm being forced to deal with my coffee addiction and I've accepted that I can't have a baby as soon as I had hoped. I'm learning how important it is to get an education so that I can have a career. We are eating out less too.

I even picked up a second job.

But I'm learning a lot about life. I've become more humble and I appreciate what I have a lot more. I also appreciate the life that my parents provided for me a lot more.

I know I won't always feel this stressed about expenses but I am thankful for this opportunity to grow and to work together with my husband.

I'm going to be honest. Today I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

I couldn't find anything to wear and then I left my favorite scarf in my math class. (hard life, huh?)

I don't know why, but since the moment I opened my eyes this morning I've had a desire to punch someone or something really hard. I've been really ungrateful and unhappy with myself and it seems that in my mind I had magnified every little problem in my life. 

But in the midst of my self loathing and pessimism, I thought about my family.

I remembered my wonderful mom who is struggling with knee problems,

she works so hard each day and is always smiling regardless.

I thought about my dad who has a seemingly incurable skin disease that causes him a lot of suffering every single moment of the day, the doctors have done nothing but provide him with a bunch of useless prescriptions. He never fails to be humble and Christ-like.

On top of that, my parents are already struggling to help my brother who is dealing with addictions. This has really run them down and hurt them.

Then I remembered my other brother, who's had to spend more than a week away from his angel of a wife because she's in Utah with her brother who's in critical condition. He's been in the hospital for a few weeks now. He's in his twenties and recently got married. He's is one of the most gentle and kind people I have ever met.

But it doesn't end there, there are so many people in my life who are struggling with various things. This all helped me to put my problems into perspective. WE ALL STRUGGLE. And half of the things each of us struggle with are things they don't tell anyone.

I plan on going about the rest of my day with a smile on my face knowing that we are ALL struggling with different things, but at least we are all struggling together. 

Yesterday Corde and I finally made it home to Logan. We barely made our flight yesterday morning, but by some miracle it all worked out. We arrived in town and immediately had to rush to campus because Corde was already late for work. When that was over, we bought our over-priced textbooks, stopped and bought some tacos (It was Taco Tuesday at Cafe Rio), and finally headed to our apartment for the night. The apartment was a mess. We aren't finished moving and organizing things considering we left Logan the day after we got married. Anyways, we ate our food while we watched Enchanted, we started organizing our kitchen and did our best to clean up a little. We didn't have energy too much so soon after, we headed to bed. It felt wonderful to finally climb into bed after a day full of chaos and brain fog.

This morning I woke up at six because I had to be at work by 6:45. Corde was getting ready to take me to work, so I ran out to the car to start is so it'd warm up a bit and the car didn't start. We've been having a lot of trouble with our car lately. This was really frustrating for me because this was my first day back to work for a while and I wanted to get off to a great start. Well, about 5 minutes later, a car pulled next to ours in the parking lot and we were able to get them to help jump our car. I was still early to work. This is such a simple thing, but lately little miracles like this have been happening to me more then ever. And every time they do, I get a little voice in my ear saying, "This wasn't a coincidence". I know this is because of the changes I have recently made in my life.

I know that by keeping the commandments of God he will bless you in ways you don't even realize. The Holy Spirit will be with you constantly and you will find peace when you feel weighed down by stress. Everything just somehow works out.